Sunday, February 22, 2009

Manifesto of Malia for Dictator (a work in progress)

1. Movie makers must receive expressed written and verbal consent from Madame Dictator before making sequels, trilogies, or prequels. A movie must be made with the expectation that there will not be a continuation of the story. Movie makers who do not meet these expectations will be taken out back and shot. (To clarify, you will be shot. Not necessarily killed. A henchmen in training will be wielding the weapon, so who knows where the bullet will land)

2. All who use the word "conversate", "irregardless", or abbreviations of phrases ("lol", "btw", "idk", "brb", etc.) in a non satiric fashion will be taken out back and shot.

3. If a man's response to a woman who makes a passionate argument in a rational manner is a cat noise ("mraw"), the gentleman will be taken out back and shot.

4. Anyone who makes an extended glance at a lady, i.e. Elevator eyes, makes inappropriate noises toward a lady (whistling, "fffft" "ffffffft", "oooooooweeeeee", "mmmmmmm-hmmmmmm", etc.), or exuberantly tries to get a ladies attention ("Girl! Hey Girl!", "Hey baybay!", "You is one fine lookin female! OOOOooooweeeee!") will be taken out back and shot, sterilized, then partially blinded with a burning hot spoon.